To begin with, this chapter should only be practiced by someone who has “swung the curve” of the Pain Cycle. If you are in any way, still in Resignation, if you haven't fully understood Surrender, if you haven't Forgiven everyone including yourself, and especially, if you're not a Believer in the power of Positivity, of yourself, or your spirit, then you're just not ready for this. Using weapons when you are not trained in the art of war, or if you don't have an attitude of taking on the fight, will do no good and you probably wouldn't understand the material in this chapter anyways.
That is my caution to you. Only true Believers beyond this point.
Now that you've swung over to the positive side of the Pain Cycle and are about to embark on your reinvention journey, you're able to use some weapons in the healing process. Most of these are designed to help you put pain into the background of your life so you can move forward. The great thing is that these implements can now have a real effect. You now have belief on your side. The Power.
You've seen, in Surrender, how to accept the fact that you are in chronic pain and that it is not going away. You know that you're not trying to cure anything, or even heal anything, so the name “weapons of healing” is somewhat misleading but we will use it knowing that you understand, the healing we describe is actually, “Taking away pain's power over you.” If you could put it far into the background, you would have the opportunity to live with it. You would have some control over it, and maybe you could be happier and more productive. The fact is, if you've been in pain for a while and involved in the medical system, you already have an understanding of these implements of war, because you've probably tried them. They couldn't help you, because you were on the negative side of the Cycle. You were in resignation, but now you've “swung the curve” and have been in training to reach the positive side.
You are there! Now get ready to take up the weapons, and don't get uptight when you hear these subjects. You tried some of them, but you just weren't ready or trained to know how to use them. Let's look at it from the positive side, the powerful side. How about, yeah, let's start with something you may shake your head at right away. How about:
Doctor Appointments.
You know how it used to be, we've discussed it enough, and you were there, in your negative frame of mind. How can a doctor's appointment be a weapon against pain? It's usually such a negative experience. It is a weapon because it is an opportunity for learning things, to see your doctor face-to-face, to be his assistant, to catch up on research. Once the change happens in the medical system, and doctors themselves change, we will go into his office, like his partner, armed with our studies and knowledge. He will accept this and help us learn more about explaining tests and hypotheses, by ordering tests, by helping us check off the probabilities. Until then, however, you must use prudence in discussing your own education with your doctor. Remember, besides the fact that they have these egos and see your education in medicine as an afront to their knowledge, they must also deal with people above them, not just all of the doctors and administrators, but the insurance adjusters and JACHO, the hospital and clinic inspection groups. They are not just protecting you from going off half cocked on your own diagnosis path, but they also must warrant tests and procedures through insurance companies and the scrutiny of other agencies. So try to understand, that right now, our own intelligence is a threat to the peace and the routine of a medical practice. In the same way, alternative methods have also been seen in this way. It takes forever for something to get the okay from the AMA, the big dogs, the roosters protecting us. You must learn to approach your doctor appointments with a quiet curiosity.
Some rules that might help to keep you from alienating your doctor would be:
Another great Weapon of Healing, besides everything knowledgeable that happens in the doctor' office, is referrals. Very important. You have moved to another level but you're also involving more doctors and staff members into your case. Don't be dismayed, it just means you've been promoted to Professional Patient. Sometimes I think the system sends us to a lot of people and appointments as a way of keeping us confused, dismayed, and always moving, kind of a delaying effect. Even if this isn't true, it works. So take a breath, calm down and think. The more you are involved in the system the more you must be organized. But don't let that negative thinking in, you've only begun to fight!
This brings up another weapon at your disposal.
Therapy There will be detailed chapters about this also. You will learn the right way to approach therapies, but they are mentioned here because they are part of your arsenal of learning, of putting pain into the background. Physical, Occupational, Behavioral, Spiritual and Personal. Read this again. Count them on your fingers. It's important because, people immediately forget these are therapies.
They know;
Physical, “Yeah, that doesn't work, just hurts more!” or
Occupational “What, do you come to my job and teach me how to do it?” or
Behavioral, “Ain't no head shrinker gonna tell me I'm nuts!” or
Spiritual, “Ooh! Ah! I'm psychic!” but what about...
Personal therapy. Personal? Huh?
All of these are misnomers, wrong from the name to the meaning.
Physical implies, people who make you do things that hurt physically, but, they are actually coaches, trainers, and are very well educated in the science of muscles and soft tissue and movement. When they are your coach, they can teach you how to use these physical systems the right way. They can teach you the difference between damaging and non-damaging pain, probably the most important thing you can learn to put pain in the background.
Occupational implies working, but, it actually means functioning. Doing your daily routine movements the right way. Things like sleeping, housework, getting in and out of bed, your work, socializing, sitting, just to name a few. Another key in the “damaging and non-damaging pain” lesson.
Behavioral implies “a shrink”, but, it is actually there to help you cope with how pain is affecting your life and decisions. If you haven't heard your therapists say this, ask for a new therapist. Proper Pain Behavioral Therapists know the difference between “head shrinking” which is called Psychotherapy, and Behavioral or Cognitive or sometimes, Coping Therapy, and they are not there for any other reason but to help you understand pain and its affect on your life.
Spiritual. Everyone thinks this means church, or voodoo, or psychic science, or something, but, it means YOU. Your spirit. Who are you? Where do you fit into this world? What do you offer to the mix?
My spirit was one of a single father, hiker, camper, artist, cook, somewhat crazy and energetic. Spirituality means all that to me. Spiritual therapy means taking care of my spirit. Only that. Don't ever let someone tell you how to do this! Never! They couldn't possibly know. Your mate might know, your children maybe, but only you can ultimately know this one. People offer all kinds of spiritual items and concoctions, and yes, even churchgoers are guilty of thinking that church can answer all of your needs. Only you can do that! Church is a tool, a weapon in healing, just as incense, rubbing stones herbs, massage, all of the “New Age” stuff. The list is as endless as we are.
Now here's something that will challenge your thinking, does anyone consider hunting spiritual? Shooting a gun? Ask any pain sufferer who used to be a hunter and they'll tell you how good that feels in their soul! How great it is to be in the outdoors, camping, sitting around the fire, eating fresh kill. They only wish they could physically do that again. That's where they're trying to get to, just as someone else is trying to find their inner peace or reach their God. We have no business telling someone what's right or wrong, only to show them more things that may help them get there.
In the case of a hunter, a hunting club would be a better place to get this knowledge than any herb shop or bookstore could ever hope to. We are all unique and separate spirits and what “talks” to our spirit is as unique. We must, however, become spiritual again. We are spirits first, physical next. It is in my spirit to be a hiking, outdoorsman, survival trained, artist. My “Walks” were my attempt to get back to that. I had to adjust to it physically, occupationally, personally, spiritually and behaviorally, adapt to my condition, and I did.
Personal Therapy? I don't think anyone thinks of this as therapy, but, this simply means , “What do you do for you?” Do you get enough alone time? Family time? Hobbies? Socializing? Hair done? Nails? A new outfit? How about, a massage, the spa, a movie, a night out?
Have no money? How about art shows or free college symphonies, lectures or pain symposiums? You come up with some.
You see, on the negative side you learn to stop thinking about this. As you travel down the bitter ladder of losses, you stop thinking like this and learn to say NO to these things. Are you ready now? You need to do this, these therapies, all five of them, because they are very important to beating down the pain monster. At first, believe me, you're not going to want to, they hurt! You must train yourself to say YES! If it's not damaging pain, then DO IT!
If you don't take these therapies seriously, or if you only do one or two, you are denying yourself more chances to get back to being you. Yes it hurts, do it anyway. As long as it's not damaging pain, every time you do it, you are telling pain, and your body, mind and spirit, that “You will no longer allow the pain to be in charge.”
Another major weapon of healing, an armor shield of sorts, is:
Nutrition. Again, no one should ever tell you what good nutrition means. My friend Bruce used to say, “I heard that eating is good for you. I tried not eating, and that's not good.” Think about this, as you become empowered over pain, you are learning to understand your body and the pain it gives you, and what that means. If you are eating wrong, your body will tell you. How do you feel? How's your energy? Skin? Eyes? Your body is as unique as your spirit. We are all unique souls. If you study nutrition, you'll notice how it is always changing. The rules go from “This is good for you” to “This can kill you!” No one seems to know anything. Well, as a cook and a father, I paid attention to this, and even doctors have everyone afraid of food. Start with this one, “If you don't eat, you're gonna die!” Did you hear that? Yes it's true, you're gonna die, no matter what you do, and not eating is a bad way to go. If it hurts, don't eat it, if you feel good from it, physically or emotionally, then it's good for you. Do it!
It would be my luck to go on a really good diet and get hit by a bus the next day. Sometimes I think this painful disease was God's way of saying “How's all that nutritional knowledge working for you?” I used to share my nutritional studies with my friends and I got the feeling they were tired of hearing it. Even I noticed, I was like a naysayer, a harbinger of doom, because every day the news would have more details of what was “poisoning” us. Vegans, meat eaters, herbalists, country folk, everyone seems to have an opinion, but every opinion I hear, can be proven wrong with another study. So suffice it to say “If you don't eat, you're gonna die.” Try the old standby – 5 food groups – meat, dairy, fruits, vegetables, grains. I no longer think like this, but it's a great way to get part of your life back to normal. You can always ask your doctor to recommend a nutritional plan, or even refer you to a professional. Above all, enjoy yourself and, no damaging pain!
Another important weapon towards putting pain in its place is:
Employment. Having a job. For the pain patient, this is crucial and complex but what does it mean? It means that your life in pain or you're “living with pain for the rest of your life”, will mean changes. A lot of adjustments. A lot of adapting. Again, the system we are in now just doesn't understand people in chronic, permanent pain or disability. People want it to be only black and white. Fully able, or completely disabled. Someday we will change the system, probably when enough of us stand up to be counted, in the mean time however, we must work with the limits of the present system. We must also understand that employment means work. Work means something you perform that's productive and meaningful to you. Just as housewives, until recently, were considered “not really working”, so aren't we. I've been walking and writing and visiting clinics for almost 2 years now and everyone still says “you should get a job!” As though I can just go apply and be fully welcomed into the workforce. With my medical history this has always proven to be an enormous challenge and I always end up with work that will eventually hurt me.
As people with pain, we cannot usually conform to any standard form of employment. We cannot do anything by a set of routines, especially ones that have time constraints. Our bodies and our pain usually have a different type of schedule with the ups and downs arriving at odd moments, sometimes lasting for hours, sometimes days. If we were to get our foot in the door and past the scrutiny of a history check, how would our boss understand us when we're constantly sick, or have three bad days in a row? They can't! We'll be fired soon. Until we change the way employers think of disabilities, getting a job will not be easy. This can be a severe blow to our self worth. As pain patients we must appreciate our own self worth, our own production. We must spend our days reminding ourselves “I did what I could, when I could, as much as I could, and I accomplished something.” We must find work that pertains to our spirit but also caters to our condition.
Remember also, what you are paid, believe it or not, does not matter at this point. Whether you live on disability supplement or even receive no money at all and are hurting financially, you must work on your own terms. If money needs dictate what you do for work, you'll be entering a revolving door that I was in for over 10 years. It spins and spins and loses speed with every revolution, until you're so tired, you just fall down, and the door just pushes you around and around. This is a no-win situation. You must, however, work, whatever that is to you. It is what we do as humans. We produce. It makes us feel worthwhile. Whatever it is you do, if it is productive, if it can be measured as somehow making a difference in something, then it is work. It is necessary to healing.
Another weapon in this list is:
Medicines. Another thing that people, even professionals have gotten all out of whack. I talked to a research scientist who said it best when he said, “All things, whether natural or chemical, come from Nature, from the basic elements, and we should rejoice in the fact that we are inventing substances that are breakthroughs in pain control and management. We are worried about nothing.” Now, if we find a medicine that works for us, then we should measure that by the amount of pain relief and amount of productivity it provides. I'm down to only two medicines, but I understand how helpful they are, making me a functional, happy, human being. Find a medicine that works for you, or combination thereof, take them routinely and properly, and let them work to put pain in the background. See the chapter___ on Medications.
Here is one that most wouldn't think about, but is highly important to healing properly and effectively:
Environments. Yes, your surroundings. Look around you, your room, your house, your neighborhood, your town, your state. Look at the people around you and their attitude. Is it conducive to your own well-being and good attitude? Are your neighbors “you're kind of people? ” Is your town the place you want to be? How about your house? Maybe it isn't and you can't afford to change it, but make no mistake, it is very important to at least recognize, that it has a direct bearing on your outlook. You can have a major effect on how pain is amplified in your life. If it's bad enough, it can even create its own pain, mimic symptoms, or even create new diseases and syndromes. This only serves to hurt your situation. If it can be changed then you must change it. You need to have a very positive, fulfilling environment.
If you cannot change it, then try to change how you see it. Find the positives about it. Ignore the negatives. Adopt some new hobbies or attitudes to ward off the negatives around you. Maybe some further research is necessary to figure this out. I've talked to people who said that they can't find pain clinics or doctors in their town, or even services or amenities, but in reality, they are just too tired to check it out further. They are assuming a lot. It will take one or two phone calls and a lot of positive attitude to change this . Most people who say this come from towns well over 100,000 people, but they believe that they know everyone and everyone knows them, and they're done. Sewn up. It's impossible in a town that size to have seen it all. So if you're able to change a bad environment, change it. If you're in a good environment, enjoy it. If you're in a bad environment that you can't change, see if you can change yourself.
This brings us to the most important weapon you have;
Thinking. Understand that this is not a complete list by any means, it is designed to get you to think about things and hopefully expand upon the concept. I'm really just making some points and this final one could change your life. What goes through your mind, your “self talk”, directly affects your body and your spirit. One follows the other. If you want your physical pain to change, change your thoughts first. Get them to lead to your feelings and emotions, and your body will follow suit. This ties into the chapter on Negative versus Positive, but it can't be said enough. Three different studies are going on now to show how thoughts create actual matter. “You are what you think”, or at least you become it.
Comedy as a weapon of healing
We have all heard this before; " Laughter is the best medicine" and it is very true, but it can also be impossible for those who are in such severe pain, that the thought of laughing is not within reach. It is for this reason that comedy is considered to be a "weapon of healing", a tool in the tool belt, and why it is at this rung in the pain ladder. You have to be ready to laugh at your pain, at your circumstance, at your history with pain. Like anything else, you cannot fool yourself into believing you are ready, and, if you're not there yet, you're just not there yet. It's OK.
Look at it as just another goal to reach, but like most of the steps toward controlling pain, it is something you can only feel in your heart. You cannot "talk yourself into it." I think you will finnd though, as you reach Surrender, you will sense a "peace of mind" or a calmness, that will enter your heart, your whole being and as you Forgive, you will find yourself no longer dwelling in the needs for justice and to want to tell everyone what has happened to you. You have learned to be honest with yourself and others about your illness and no longer need to hide from the world. It is with the advent of all of these levels happening that you can finally laugh at your pain, and pain itself will sense your power over it when you reach that point.
In the meantime, it's okay to try. It's a good thing to surround yourself with matters that aren't so serious. In the spectrum of constant pain, it is easy to fall into the serious issues that seem to happen to us daily. We are on the negative side of the cycle and have had to deal with many losses, and with people not believing you, and most likely, you're in Resignation. You've accepted your fate and you feel doomed to a constant, unrelenting agony. Life is very serious. You will be amazed at how this changes after you “swing the curve” to the positive side. Nothing negates negativity more than laughing at your circumstances. Comedy has that ability to take the power away from a negative situation. This power, our power, can do amazing things and when used negatively, as we learned in previous chapters, it creates bad feelings and equally can create more bad scenes in your life. Comedy can set our minds in the right direction. It can also be very spiritual.
Think back to when life was funny, to a time when you were able to laugh. Try to remember a story that happened to you or someone you know that had you rolling on the floor in laughter. When you think about that, do you notice the change? Can you feel pain's power lessen a little? When you understand the links between mind, body, and spirit, how one can cause the other to follow its lead, it makes sense that the idea of laughing, whether it happens in the Mind or the Spirit, will have that effect on the body eventually. I, luckily, have had many funny things happened to me, a lot of them which were very serious at the time, but when they were relayed to others, they just came out as funny. I also realize, that it was this, my funny side, that I lost on the negative ride through the Pain Cycle. During that time, when I relayed my stories to people, I wasn't seeing them as very funny. It might have been something other people would've noticed as a change in my personality, upon entering this side of the cycle. They were probably thinking “he just doesn't laugh much anymore. He seems very serious.” Not that I didn't have reason to be, or that jokes and anecdotes would've made me laugh anyways. My mind was solely concentrated on the collapsing “house of cards” that was once my life. I couldn't have laughed if I tried. I just wasn't in the mood.
On my first walk, from Massachusetts to Washington, DC, I was still very serious. I had learned so much about healing from pain that I was inspired to try the impossible, and yet, during the whole trip, I was unable to laugh at anything. It says a lot to me, because directly after the trip was over, when being picked up by my nephew, I immediately started relaying to him all of the funny stories that happened, stories that weren't very funny at the time. It was a sign that during this 400 mile walk, I had changed. I had studied Surrender, Forgiveness and Belief, but didn't see how that was going to make a difference in my life. Then it happened, and my nephew, his wife, his neighbors, and myself, sat around for days, telling stories and laughing a lot about the crazy adventures from the road.
Two things happened at the end of that trip that completely surprised me, positivity and laughing. Two things that I didn't expect, that came out of nowhere. I had such a good time staying in Maryland, being on the positive side for the first time in years. Laughter was making me relaxed and seeing things completely differently. It was, during a lot of comedy meetings at the National Pain Foundation headquarters in Denver, that the second, 2000 mile walk was born. If you ask me about any situation that happened to me in my life, you will probably get a very funny story back.
The other, most important lesson we can learn in our Journey through Pain, is to laugh at ourselves. This is also very hard to do if you don't “have it in your heart.” You just can't.
Don't worry, don't pressure yourself about this, but understand it as another measurement of where your at in the cycle. It is very hard for us to see our present point in this journey. It is much easier to look back on things and see where we were. Comedy, or our ability to see things as funny is probably the best way to measure your “present moment” place on the chart. If you can't laugh, or just don't see things as funny, or if you find yourself telling your story in a serious way, you know you're still in “Resignation.” Try to surround yourself with comedy anyways. Allow others to laugh at you and with you. Watch light, funny shows on television. Loosen up your world. Another way to stop the negative power and put pain in its place. Imagine, someday, if you do this right, you will look back at your pain experience and laugh.
You see is okay to laugh at it, because the funny part is, we are still alive. I always joke about the day I get to heaven, and as I walk through the pearly gates I say, “God, Jesus, I need to see you in my office!”
It is a lot tougher to live in pain than it is to die. We must be here, going through this agony for a reason. Our lives were interrupted by pain for a reason. And when I get to the Great Beyond, I just want an answer. “What was that all about!” And God in Jesus will be sitting in my office laughing, and they will say, “don't you get it?, we picked on you because we thought you could handle it.”
So, my soldier, if you've swung through Surrender, Forgiveness and Belief, and are standing at the door of Reinvention, and you are ready to take your journey, you will need to arm yourself. You will need to learn to become a proper warrior. I believe you are ready to don your “Weapons of Healing” and start to use them effectively. You are ready to start your battle, a peaceful one, but a battle none the less.
I wish I could give you $200 for “Passing GO!”
That is my caution to you. Only true Believers beyond this point.
Now that you've swung over to the positive side of the Pain Cycle and are about to embark on your reinvention journey, you're able to use some weapons in the healing process. Most of these are designed to help you put pain into the background of your life so you can move forward. The great thing is that these implements can now have a real effect. You now have belief on your side. The Power.
You've seen, in Surrender, how to accept the fact that you are in chronic pain and that it is not going away. You know that you're not trying to cure anything, or even heal anything, so the name “weapons of healing” is somewhat misleading but we will use it knowing that you understand, the healing we describe is actually, “Taking away pain's power over you.” If you could put it far into the background, you would have the opportunity to live with it. You would have some control over it, and maybe you could be happier and more productive. The fact is, if you've been in pain for a while and involved in the medical system, you already have an understanding of these implements of war, because you've probably tried them. They couldn't help you, because you were on the negative side of the Cycle. You were in resignation, but now you've “swung the curve” and have been in training to reach the positive side.
You are there! Now get ready to take up the weapons, and don't get uptight when you hear these subjects. You tried some of them, but you just weren't ready or trained to know how to use them. Let's look at it from the positive side, the powerful side. How about, yeah, let's start with something you may shake your head at right away. How about:
Doctor Appointments.
You know how it used to be, we've discussed it enough, and you were there, in your negative frame of mind. How can a doctor's appointment be a weapon against pain? It's usually such a negative experience. It is a weapon because it is an opportunity for learning things, to see your doctor face-to-face, to be his assistant, to catch up on research. Once the change happens in the medical system, and doctors themselves change, we will go into his office, like his partner, armed with our studies and knowledge. He will accept this and help us learn more about explaining tests and hypotheses, by ordering tests, by helping us check off the probabilities. Until then, however, you must use prudence in discussing your own education with your doctor. Remember, besides the fact that they have these egos and see your education in medicine as an afront to their knowledge, they must also deal with people above them, not just all of the doctors and administrators, but the insurance adjusters and JACHO, the hospital and clinic inspection groups. They are not just protecting you from going off half cocked on your own diagnosis path, but they also must warrant tests and procedures through insurance companies and the scrutiny of other agencies. So try to understand, that right now, our own intelligence is a threat to the peace and the routine of a medical practice. In the same way, alternative methods have also been seen in this way. It takes forever for something to get the okay from the AMA, the big dogs, the roosters protecting us. You must learn to approach your doctor appointments with a quiet curiosity.
Some rules that might help to keep you from alienating your doctor would be:
- Ask only three questions per visit, so narrow your list down each time to only the three most important ones.
- Always be polite and easy-going. Your doctor and his staff are under a lot of pressure and don't need you adding more to it.
- Learn to listen, hear what he's saying. Remember, pain is causing you to take in information the wrong way, or visualizing it in the wrong way, or sometimes just misunderstanding it, so try to be a clinician when listening.
- Take out your emotions and just listen for facts. “Just the facts, ma'am.” You are your doctor's assistant, and you must see your case as an observer.
- Never try to outsmart your doctor, or even show him how smart you are. You're the patient and you have a job to do here, and your job is to let him know what you feel pain-wise, what's working or not working, what needs immediate attention and what's less important to help you.
- Getting documents or signatures or anything really, rely on the front office for this. Make sure before you leave that the people assigned to “see you out” know what it is you need. Try to get their names (usually from their name badges), and try to use it in a sentence, before you leave. It subtly lets them know your paying attention. Get to know someone in charge in the administrative realm, usually the nurse practitioner is the real nuts and bolts of a practice, or the office manager. They can get things done.
- Doctors only make decisions, they don't do homework, they don't file anything, they pretty much only consult nowadays. They walk in after seeing many patients before you, look at your chart, ask you a few questions, make some kind of decision, file their report, and see you in a couple of months.
- You attract more bees with honey. It's true that the squeaky wheel gets the grease, but if you always squeak, for no reason, you get ignored, placated, and avoided. The medical office is a gloomy, depressing place and the people working there hear moaning and groaning all day, so they become immune to it to save their sanity. They want to help, but much like a parent with a lot of children, it starts to sound like white noise to them. You must be direct, short, sweet, and to the point, but always be polite. As in any relationship, you must establish your position, your footing, but you also must never push buttons or play games. Get in, get out, and find out as much as you can while you're there.
- Write things down as soon as you can, I mean, as soon as you can. I step out the door, find a seat in the lobby and write it down immediately. I used to do this when I got to the car but found I forgot important things very quickly. Try to get documentation of your visit. In most states it is within your rights to do this, but check first to see if the clinic or hospital has adopted a “Bill of Rights” and read it.
- Get your records as soon as you can. Keep a list of your appointment dates and highlights and then make sure that you have a record of the appointment to go with the date. You can save yourself a lot of future heartaches and you can use the record as a way to educate yourself more. Look up words or test results and find out what they mean. Remember you're not a doctor, just the fact collector.
Another great Weapon of Healing, besides everything knowledgeable that happens in the doctor' office, is referrals. Very important. You have moved to another level but you're also involving more doctors and staff members into your case. Don't be dismayed, it just means you've been promoted to Professional Patient. Sometimes I think the system sends us to a lot of people and appointments as a way of keeping us confused, dismayed, and always moving, kind of a delaying effect. Even if this isn't true, it works. So take a breath, calm down and think. The more you are involved in the system the more you must be organized. But don't let that negative thinking in, you've only begun to fight!
This brings up another weapon at your disposal.
Therapy There will be detailed chapters about this also. You will learn the right way to approach therapies, but they are mentioned here because they are part of your arsenal of learning, of putting pain into the background. Physical, Occupational, Behavioral, Spiritual and Personal. Read this again. Count them on your fingers. It's important because, people immediately forget these are therapies.
They know;
Physical, “Yeah, that doesn't work, just hurts more!” or
Occupational “What, do you come to my job and teach me how to do it?” or
Behavioral, “Ain't no head shrinker gonna tell me I'm nuts!” or
Spiritual, “Ooh! Ah! I'm psychic!” but what about...
Personal therapy. Personal? Huh?
All of these are misnomers, wrong from the name to the meaning.
Physical implies, people who make you do things that hurt physically, but, they are actually coaches, trainers, and are very well educated in the science of muscles and soft tissue and movement. When they are your coach, they can teach you how to use these physical systems the right way. They can teach you the difference between damaging and non-damaging pain, probably the most important thing you can learn to put pain in the background.
Occupational implies working, but, it actually means functioning. Doing your daily routine movements the right way. Things like sleeping, housework, getting in and out of bed, your work, socializing, sitting, just to name a few. Another key in the “damaging and non-damaging pain” lesson.
Behavioral implies “a shrink”, but, it is actually there to help you cope with how pain is affecting your life and decisions. If you haven't heard your therapists say this, ask for a new therapist. Proper Pain Behavioral Therapists know the difference between “head shrinking” which is called Psychotherapy, and Behavioral or Cognitive or sometimes, Coping Therapy, and they are not there for any other reason but to help you understand pain and its affect on your life.
Spiritual. Everyone thinks this means church, or voodoo, or psychic science, or something, but, it means YOU. Your spirit. Who are you? Where do you fit into this world? What do you offer to the mix?
My spirit was one of a single father, hiker, camper, artist, cook, somewhat crazy and energetic. Spirituality means all that to me. Spiritual therapy means taking care of my spirit. Only that. Don't ever let someone tell you how to do this! Never! They couldn't possibly know. Your mate might know, your children maybe, but only you can ultimately know this one. People offer all kinds of spiritual items and concoctions, and yes, even churchgoers are guilty of thinking that church can answer all of your needs. Only you can do that! Church is a tool, a weapon in healing, just as incense, rubbing stones herbs, massage, all of the “New Age” stuff. The list is as endless as we are.
Now here's something that will challenge your thinking, does anyone consider hunting spiritual? Shooting a gun? Ask any pain sufferer who used to be a hunter and they'll tell you how good that feels in their soul! How great it is to be in the outdoors, camping, sitting around the fire, eating fresh kill. They only wish they could physically do that again. That's where they're trying to get to, just as someone else is trying to find their inner peace or reach their God. We have no business telling someone what's right or wrong, only to show them more things that may help them get there.
In the case of a hunter, a hunting club would be a better place to get this knowledge than any herb shop or bookstore could ever hope to. We are all unique and separate spirits and what “talks” to our spirit is as unique. We must, however, become spiritual again. We are spirits first, physical next. It is in my spirit to be a hiking, outdoorsman, survival trained, artist. My “Walks” were my attempt to get back to that. I had to adjust to it physically, occupationally, personally, spiritually and behaviorally, adapt to my condition, and I did.
Personal Therapy? I don't think anyone thinks of this as therapy, but, this simply means , “What do you do for you?” Do you get enough alone time? Family time? Hobbies? Socializing? Hair done? Nails? A new outfit? How about, a massage, the spa, a movie, a night out?
Have no money? How about art shows or free college symphonies, lectures or pain symposiums? You come up with some.
You see, on the negative side you learn to stop thinking about this. As you travel down the bitter ladder of losses, you stop thinking like this and learn to say NO to these things. Are you ready now? You need to do this, these therapies, all five of them, because they are very important to beating down the pain monster. At first, believe me, you're not going to want to, they hurt! You must train yourself to say YES! If it's not damaging pain, then DO IT!
If you don't take these therapies seriously, or if you only do one or two, you are denying yourself more chances to get back to being you. Yes it hurts, do it anyway. As long as it's not damaging pain, every time you do it, you are telling pain, and your body, mind and spirit, that “You will no longer allow the pain to be in charge.”
Another major weapon of healing, an armor shield of sorts, is:
Nutrition. Again, no one should ever tell you what good nutrition means. My friend Bruce used to say, “I heard that eating is good for you. I tried not eating, and that's not good.” Think about this, as you become empowered over pain, you are learning to understand your body and the pain it gives you, and what that means. If you are eating wrong, your body will tell you. How do you feel? How's your energy? Skin? Eyes? Your body is as unique as your spirit. We are all unique souls. If you study nutrition, you'll notice how it is always changing. The rules go from “This is good for you” to “This can kill you!” No one seems to know anything. Well, as a cook and a father, I paid attention to this, and even doctors have everyone afraid of food. Start with this one, “If you don't eat, you're gonna die!” Did you hear that? Yes it's true, you're gonna die, no matter what you do, and not eating is a bad way to go. If it hurts, don't eat it, if you feel good from it, physically or emotionally, then it's good for you. Do it!
It would be my luck to go on a really good diet and get hit by a bus the next day. Sometimes I think this painful disease was God's way of saying “How's all that nutritional knowledge working for you?” I used to share my nutritional studies with my friends and I got the feeling they were tired of hearing it. Even I noticed, I was like a naysayer, a harbinger of doom, because every day the news would have more details of what was “poisoning” us. Vegans, meat eaters, herbalists, country folk, everyone seems to have an opinion, but every opinion I hear, can be proven wrong with another study. So suffice it to say “If you don't eat, you're gonna die.” Try the old standby – 5 food groups – meat, dairy, fruits, vegetables, grains. I no longer think like this, but it's a great way to get part of your life back to normal. You can always ask your doctor to recommend a nutritional plan, or even refer you to a professional. Above all, enjoy yourself and, no damaging pain!
Another important weapon towards putting pain in its place is:
Employment. Having a job. For the pain patient, this is crucial and complex but what does it mean? It means that your life in pain or you're “living with pain for the rest of your life”, will mean changes. A lot of adjustments. A lot of adapting. Again, the system we are in now just doesn't understand people in chronic, permanent pain or disability. People want it to be only black and white. Fully able, or completely disabled. Someday we will change the system, probably when enough of us stand up to be counted, in the mean time however, we must work with the limits of the present system. We must also understand that employment means work. Work means something you perform that's productive and meaningful to you. Just as housewives, until recently, were considered “not really working”, so aren't we. I've been walking and writing and visiting clinics for almost 2 years now and everyone still says “you should get a job!” As though I can just go apply and be fully welcomed into the workforce. With my medical history this has always proven to be an enormous challenge and I always end up with work that will eventually hurt me.
As people with pain, we cannot usually conform to any standard form of employment. We cannot do anything by a set of routines, especially ones that have time constraints. Our bodies and our pain usually have a different type of schedule with the ups and downs arriving at odd moments, sometimes lasting for hours, sometimes days. If we were to get our foot in the door and past the scrutiny of a history check, how would our boss understand us when we're constantly sick, or have three bad days in a row? They can't! We'll be fired soon. Until we change the way employers think of disabilities, getting a job will not be easy. This can be a severe blow to our self worth. As pain patients we must appreciate our own self worth, our own production. We must spend our days reminding ourselves “I did what I could, when I could, as much as I could, and I accomplished something.” We must find work that pertains to our spirit but also caters to our condition.
Remember also, what you are paid, believe it or not, does not matter at this point. Whether you live on disability supplement or even receive no money at all and are hurting financially, you must work on your own terms. If money needs dictate what you do for work, you'll be entering a revolving door that I was in for over 10 years. It spins and spins and loses speed with every revolution, until you're so tired, you just fall down, and the door just pushes you around and around. This is a no-win situation. You must, however, work, whatever that is to you. It is what we do as humans. We produce. It makes us feel worthwhile. Whatever it is you do, if it is productive, if it can be measured as somehow making a difference in something, then it is work. It is necessary to healing.
Another weapon in this list is:
Medicines. Another thing that people, even professionals have gotten all out of whack. I talked to a research scientist who said it best when he said, “All things, whether natural or chemical, come from Nature, from the basic elements, and we should rejoice in the fact that we are inventing substances that are breakthroughs in pain control and management. We are worried about nothing.” Now, if we find a medicine that works for us, then we should measure that by the amount of pain relief and amount of productivity it provides. I'm down to only two medicines, but I understand how helpful they are, making me a functional, happy, human being. Find a medicine that works for you, or combination thereof, take them routinely and properly, and let them work to put pain in the background. See the chapter___ on Medications.
Here is one that most wouldn't think about, but is highly important to healing properly and effectively:
Environments. Yes, your surroundings. Look around you, your room, your house, your neighborhood, your town, your state. Look at the people around you and their attitude. Is it conducive to your own well-being and good attitude? Are your neighbors “you're kind of people? ” Is your town the place you want to be? How about your house? Maybe it isn't and you can't afford to change it, but make no mistake, it is very important to at least recognize, that it has a direct bearing on your outlook. You can have a major effect on how pain is amplified in your life. If it's bad enough, it can even create its own pain, mimic symptoms, or even create new diseases and syndromes. This only serves to hurt your situation. If it can be changed then you must change it. You need to have a very positive, fulfilling environment.
If you cannot change it, then try to change how you see it. Find the positives about it. Ignore the negatives. Adopt some new hobbies or attitudes to ward off the negatives around you. Maybe some further research is necessary to figure this out. I've talked to people who said that they can't find pain clinics or doctors in their town, or even services or amenities, but in reality, they are just too tired to check it out further. They are assuming a lot. It will take one or two phone calls and a lot of positive attitude to change this . Most people who say this come from towns well over 100,000 people, but they believe that they know everyone and everyone knows them, and they're done. Sewn up. It's impossible in a town that size to have seen it all. So if you're able to change a bad environment, change it. If you're in a good environment, enjoy it. If you're in a bad environment that you can't change, see if you can change yourself.
This brings us to the most important weapon you have;
Thinking. Understand that this is not a complete list by any means, it is designed to get you to think about things and hopefully expand upon the concept. I'm really just making some points and this final one could change your life. What goes through your mind, your “self talk”, directly affects your body and your spirit. One follows the other. If you want your physical pain to change, change your thoughts first. Get them to lead to your feelings and emotions, and your body will follow suit. This ties into the chapter on Negative versus Positive, but it can't be said enough. Three different studies are going on now to show how thoughts create actual matter. “You are what you think”, or at least you become it.
Comedy as a weapon of healing
We have all heard this before; " Laughter is the best medicine" and it is very true, but it can also be impossible for those who are in such severe pain, that the thought of laughing is not within reach. It is for this reason that comedy is considered to be a "weapon of healing", a tool in the tool belt, and why it is at this rung in the pain ladder. You have to be ready to laugh at your pain, at your circumstance, at your history with pain. Like anything else, you cannot fool yourself into believing you are ready, and, if you're not there yet, you're just not there yet. It's OK.
Look at it as just another goal to reach, but like most of the steps toward controlling pain, it is something you can only feel in your heart. You cannot "talk yourself into it." I think you will finnd though, as you reach Surrender, you will sense a "peace of mind" or a calmness, that will enter your heart, your whole being and as you Forgive, you will find yourself no longer dwelling in the needs for justice and to want to tell everyone what has happened to you. You have learned to be honest with yourself and others about your illness and no longer need to hide from the world. It is with the advent of all of these levels happening that you can finally laugh at your pain, and pain itself will sense your power over it when you reach that point.
In the meantime, it's okay to try. It's a good thing to surround yourself with matters that aren't so serious. In the spectrum of constant pain, it is easy to fall into the serious issues that seem to happen to us daily. We are on the negative side of the cycle and have had to deal with many losses, and with people not believing you, and most likely, you're in Resignation. You've accepted your fate and you feel doomed to a constant, unrelenting agony. Life is very serious. You will be amazed at how this changes after you “swing the curve” to the positive side. Nothing negates negativity more than laughing at your circumstances. Comedy has that ability to take the power away from a negative situation. This power, our power, can do amazing things and when used negatively, as we learned in previous chapters, it creates bad feelings and equally can create more bad scenes in your life. Comedy can set our minds in the right direction. It can also be very spiritual.
Think back to when life was funny, to a time when you were able to laugh. Try to remember a story that happened to you or someone you know that had you rolling on the floor in laughter. When you think about that, do you notice the change? Can you feel pain's power lessen a little? When you understand the links between mind, body, and spirit, how one can cause the other to follow its lead, it makes sense that the idea of laughing, whether it happens in the Mind or the Spirit, will have that effect on the body eventually. I, luckily, have had many funny things happened to me, a lot of them which were very serious at the time, but when they were relayed to others, they just came out as funny. I also realize, that it was this, my funny side, that I lost on the negative ride through the Pain Cycle. During that time, when I relayed my stories to people, I wasn't seeing them as very funny. It might have been something other people would've noticed as a change in my personality, upon entering this side of the cycle. They were probably thinking “he just doesn't laugh much anymore. He seems very serious.” Not that I didn't have reason to be, or that jokes and anecdotes would've made me laugh anyways. My mind was solely concentrated on the collapsing “house of cards” that was once my life. I couldn't have laughed if I tried. I just wasn't in the mood.
On my first walk, from Massachusetts to Washington, DC, I was still very serious. I had learned so much about healing from pain that I was inspired to try the impossible, and yet, during the whole trip, I was unable to laugh at anything. It says a lot to me, because directly after the trip was over, when being picked up by my nephew, I immediately started relaying to him all of the funny stories that happened, stories that weren't very funny at the time. It was a sign that during this 400 mile walk, I had changed. I had studied Surrender, Forgiveness and Belief, but didn't see how that was going to make a difference in my life. Then it happened, and my nephew, his wife, his neighbors, and myself, sat around for days, telling stories and laughing a lot about the crazy adventures from the road.
Two things happened at the end of that trip that completely surprised me, positivity and laughing. Two things that I didn't expect, that came out of nowhere. I had such a good time staying in Maryland, being on the positive side for the first time in years. Laughter was making me relaxed and seeing things completely differently. It was, during a lot of comedy meetings at the National Pain Foundation headquarters in Denver, that the second, 2000 mile walk was born. If you ask me about any situation that happened to me in my life, you will probably get a very funny story back.
The other, most important lesson we can learn in our Journey through Pain, is to laugh at ourselves. This is also very hard to do if you don't “have it in your heart.” You just can't.
Don't worry, don't pressure yourself about this, but understand it as another measurement of where your at in the cycle. It is very hard for us to see our present point in this journey. It is much easier to look back on things and see where we were. Comedy, or our ability to see things as funny is probably the best way to measure your “present moment” place on the chart. If you can't laugh, or just don't see things as funny, or if you find yourself telling your story in a serious way, you know you're still in “Resignation.” Try to surround yourself with comedy anyways. Allow others to laugh at you and with you. Watch light, funny shows on television. Loosen up your world. Another way to stop the negative power and put pain in its place. Imagine, someday, if you do this right, you will look back at your pain experience and laugh.
You see is okay to laugh at it, because the funny part is, we are still alive. I always joke about the day I get to heaven, and as I walk through the pearly gates I say, “God, Jesus, I need to see you in my office!”
It is a lot tougher to live in pain than it is to die. We must be here, going through this agony for a reason. Our lives were interrupted by pain for a reason. And when I get to the Great Beyond, I just want an answer. “What was that all about!” And God in Jesus will be sitting in my office laughing, and they will say, “don't you get it?, we picked on you because we thought you could handle it.”
So, my soldier, if you've swung through Surrender, Forgiveness and Belief, and are standing at the door of Reinvention, and you are ready to take your journey, you will need to arm yourself. You will need to learn to become a proper warrior. I believe you are ready to don your “Weapons of Healing” and start to use them effectively. You are ready to start your battle, a peaceful one, but a battle none the less.
I wish I could give you $200 for “Passing GO!”