Chapter 5 - Choices
“...I know now that a lot of education and knowledge I was receiving, was at a time when I couldn't receive it properly. I took pain classes. I went to behavioral therapy. I went to physical therapy. I took notes. I read books. I went on the Internet. I talked to people. I talked to doctors. I understood everything that I was hearing, but none of it sank in. For some reason, I just wasn't ready for it...”
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As we enter the negative side of the Pain Cycle and we begin to deal with losses, we are faced with many choices. If you have many, as I did, and most pain patients seem to be this way, you are the type of person who undertakes a great deal, can handle a lot of pressure, and who has, throughout their life, made many decisions. So it would be very natural to enter this phase of the Pain Cycle and continue to make decisions. You must understand however, that pain is creating a filter in your mind which interferes with the decision-making process. This is not known to us. It does not present itself in our minds as “Hey, from now on when you make decisions most of them will be the wrong ones, so try to pay attention, and write things down, and listen to other people because I am pain and I am in your way.”
It is for this reason that your pain doctor is probably recommending behavioral therapy. As I've said in other chapters, we must learn to accept our situation, and behavioral therapy or psychological therapy are terms that we must deal with. We must understand that psychologists are there to help us with the burden of making choices the proper way. Your doctor is not trying to say that you're crazy, that your pain is “in your head.” Behavioral therapy is exactly as the term implies, a way of changing your behavior. Without knowing it, pain has changed your behavioral patterns. Other people have noticed it and they have stated it, but usually in the wrong way. Just another way the pain filter receives information and changes what we hear, as the words go through its emotional filter. It makes sense to us, but in a negative way. I learned this from experience.
I am not now, and would never, tell you anything that I had just read about or heard about, without having experienced it myself. It is in this way that I can offer you the truth as I've seen it from many directions. When I was sent to behavioral therapy I also had a hard time accepting that, and stated to my psychologists, “I am not crazy, I don't even know why I'm here!” After she let me rant and rave for about an hour she put her hand on my knee looked me in the eye and said “No one says you're crazy, I don't think your pain is in your head, but I can honestly say that you have a very heavy burden on you and that you're having a very hard time making decisions, making choices that are presenting themselves to you now. I would like to be someone to help you get through that. Maybe I can be an observer, someone coming in from the outside, to help you see the choices that you make, and maybe allow you to think about them a little longer. Maybe allow you to see them in a different way. You're testing has shown us that because of pain, your filtering mechanism is lacking. Pain has caused you to be in a state of confusion, and as information comes into your mind, it is getting rearranged and causing confusion. I would like you to write down what you just told me about your plans. I would like you to see as I see, as an observer, that your plans and your problem solving is not making logical sense. You are a driven man, strong, a man who has a lot of courage and stamina, and you are facing this negative journey with those attributes, but I think that if you take the time to look at it, you'll see that the decisions you're making are not good ones. Allow me to be the person who can help you with seeing things.” She was terribly right. I hadn't been observing my decisions. No wonder I was constantly hurting myself.
I can now look back on that day, and realize that I was not accepting of this. It was almost a year later when I was able to think back on these words and realize that she knew exactly what she was talking about. I didn't see it. I don't know if I could have seen it. I know now that a lot of education and a lot of knowledge I was receiving, was at a time when I couldn't receive it properly. I took pain classes. I went to behavioral therapy. I went to physical therapy. I took notes. I read books. I went on the Internet. I talked to people. I talked to doctors. I understood everything that I was hearing, but none of it sank in. For some reason, I just wasn't ready for it.
I meet many people who seem to be at the same point. They listen to me and understand what I'm saying, I can see it in their eyes, but I can also see that they're just not ready for this journey. I plead with them to take notes, to save everything that they've studied, to understand that one day they will be ready for that journey, and they will need all of these notes and all of this knowledge because at that point, it will make sense.
If you think about it in this fashion, you can see that as a person in pain, you have many choices to make. As your life transcends through the negative side of the pain cycle, there will be many boundaries, limitations, and barriers to moving ahead. If you have family, or friends, or work, or recreation, you will be faced with many dire decisions, decisions that will affect the rest of your life. This seems like a heavy burden, and it is. Don't take it too lightly or underestimate it. Many of you will not understand what I'm saying right now, but for those of you who are ready for the journey, and for those of you who will someday face this journey, I want you to understand that now, and in the future, you will learn to take this step by step. To stare at your feet and take another step. To only look ahead for the purpose of making sure that you're in the right direction, and then stare at your feet again...and take another step.
This is how choices should be made. Surrounding yourself with observers, family and friends, doctors and therapists, and your own heart. Do not take any decision lightly, do not rush headlong into a decision, because the pain filter is in effect. Learn to keep lists, write down everything that is awaiting a decision, and try to look at them from an observing point of view. Try to understand that pain is wanting desperately to control your life, but you must not let it. By organizing yourself with lists, by prioritizing the right way, by heeding the advice of others who can observe you, and by learning to change your mind, your self, and your heart, you will be able to look pain in the face and say to it “I am not going to allow you to affect my life negatively. I will learn to accept that you exist, and to recognize you when you're in the way of my life. I'll allow others close to me into my life and allow them to weigh in as observers and help me to make the right choices.”
But what choices are we talking about? Believe it or not, there were many for me and there are many for you.
I do not pretend to know what decisions you are facing. I do know what mine were and how I mistakingly approached them. Maybe by showing you what mine were you will see how, on the negative side of the Pain Cycle, you just can't see them clearly. Pain has this way of making it seem like life is in a hurry, a desperate, confusing chaos.
For me, living through pain's negativity was an evolution because I wasn't thinking ahead. I couldn't at the time, because I wasn't aware of what was ahead. I spent all of my time “playing it by ear”, taking things as they came. I tried to plan, to make lists, to stay organized in my mind, but pain, especially the negative side, is like a spinning drum that gets faster and faster. As negative things would happen I would shift to plan B, then C, and pretty soon I stopped making lists, threw up my arms and said,”What's next?!”
I had a terribly negative attitude but I can't blame myself. I just didn't know. That's the problem with pain as it slowly takes over your life. You don't have time, or inclination, or the wherewithal to realize you have choices. The premise of this chapter, is to be aware of your choices.
First and foremost there is the choice of what you think. This is probably the most important of choices you need to slow down and become aware of. Please read the chapter on negativity versus positivity, and if you do, I can stay away from that. Suffice it to say that how you think is important challenge of thoughts to positive ones. There is more to this however.
The way you think, the thinking environment, the prioritizing of thoughts, all play a part in the choice of thoughts. Think of your mind as an empty piece of paper. Over time, maturity and responsibility, the paper becomes crowded with scribbles, doodles, random pen markings and information. Add a new dimension to this scene. Pain.
Pain creates confusion. It is like a turning maze of words, numbers, phrases, and thoughts. Add this to your piece of paper and it is easy to see how prioritizing is impossible. This brings up the idea of clearing and calming your mind. How can you clear the slate? How can you reorganize the things in your mind? How do you take out the confusion? You need to do this in order to plan for the future. You need to think clearly. You need to calm down.
There are many relaxation techniques out there and if you've been in pain for any amount of time, you know this. Everything from biofeedback to meditation, from massage to behavioral therapy. We will discuss these in more detail in a later chapter but for now, you need to understand the importance of relaxation and how it can affect your choices. It can make you see that you have choices. Let's look at mine. My thoughts, as I've explained, like a spinning machine, a washer/ dryer, getting faster and faster. We let them go because we feel overwhelmed. People come out, or call, and give you more to think about. Now when this happens, I immediately go into some breathing techniques. I take deep, diaphragmatic breaths, hold them, and let them out very slowly. This causes the heart to beat stronger and stronger, but I let it be that way until I can take slow, deliberate breaths. I concentrate on clearing my mind, watching the piece of paper become empty again, moving the thoughts, words and scribbles off the page, to the side, deleting the unimportant ones.
As I'm breathing I think to myself, which thought is of the utmost importance. The ones that have no choice at all do not count. They are on a different list. The thoughts I'm talking about are the ones that have choices, but right now, we want just the number one, the most important. For me, it was my children's well-being. This was more complex than it seemed. It wasn't just the providing of eating, or shelter, it was also shielding them from the negative side of my pain.
I would never think of “my children's well being” in relaxation, only the act of clearing the mind, the slate, of all items, then picking the most important, and watching it write itself on the slate. “My children's well-being.” When I would stop the relaxation, I would write it down, or make sure it was at the top of the list. Before I knew this technique, I made a lot of mistakes. I chose the nonthinking, unprepared avenue of letting everyone see my pain. Thank God kids will be kids no matter what, and they will always see you as their parents, no matter what. If you're not careful, you can permanently damage your children, causing them fear, doubt and depression. Remember, you are their security, and you must remain steadfast and strong in front of them so they feel secure. A lesson I learned, hopefully before any permanent damage was inflicted. So one of our choices should be, a deep breath. Count to 10. Anything you can do to delay a decision and to think of other choices.
We also have the choice to make something positive. Take the negative and make it positive. For instance, if my kids say, “hey dad, can you take us to the store?”, my immediate response would be “No! I don't feel good!”, but if I said “Wait a second, let me think if I can or not.”, I buy time. I take a breath. I count to 10. I think to myself, “Maybe a drive would be good for me. Maybe I could use a distraction. It is non-damaging and I know laying down won't help me. Yes. I can do this.” Or, maybe the other way. Maybe after you pause, or if you go to get up, you realize you can't do it. Then the answer is, “No, I tried but I just can't move, (or walk, or stand) right now.” The important thing is to weigh your choices, try very hard to say yes, if at all possible, if it doesn't cause damaging pain. Approach your answer to the person asking, calmly.
Pain makes us cry, whine, sigh, groan, yell, scream, not answer...you get the drill. This book is about control over pain, regaining power over it, so it's important to use your choices to conquer pain's control over your life. Now, make a list of the choices you made yesterday. Think about it.
For example:
4:00 a.m. -- Get up to go to the bathroom and take medications,
-or- Go back to sleep, pay for it later.
6:00 a.m. -- Get up, have coffee, go outside to stretch,
-or- Stay in bed, can't sleep, put on television.
7:00 a.m.- Make and eat breakfast, do dishes,
-or- Go back to bed,
-or- Start studying your pain information,
-or- Go to the library,
-or- Run errands,
-or- ...You get the point here.
There are many choices in a given day, but which one is right for you? How are these choices set up by the previous decisions?
In the game of pool the object is more than just putting a ball in a pocket. It is the art of leaving the white ball in just the right place to make the next shot. It should be the same with making decisions. Always try to decide to take action that leaves you in the best spot to take the next action.
If I set out to walk into town, 3 miles, I will look at everything I need to do on my list and choose the best path to get it all done in the easiest manner. I time it, so that if I needed a ride, I know three or four people that will be riding by, as I'm on my way back. In physical therapy I had a choice, to get a ride on Wednesday and Friday for one hour, do my stretches and exercises in the pool, get a ride, and go home. -Or-, I could push the limits of non-damaging pain. I could become the Olympic athlete, in training, and my physical therapist could become my coach. I could walk to therapy, allowing myself to practice the walking methods, and walk home, a total of 6 miles. I could ask her if I could show up four times per week and two hours early or I could join the YMCA and do it myself. I could win the gold medal of my personal sport called walking, small as it was. You see, we always have a choice. Usually, negative or positive.
Another important and more pertinent choice would include: at least in my case, my choice of doctor or clinic. Usually insurance helps with this decision. If there is no insurance and no money for self-pay, then the choices get even more limited, but with the right attitude, there is always choices. If for instance, I am on insurance, either Worker's Compensation or personal insurance, I need to read and understand the rules and limitations. Some will allow you to choose a doctor, some to choose medicine brands, co-pays, et cetera.
In order to make good choices, you must educate yourself to the situation. You need to understand what you're allowed to do. And there's always rules and regulations. With no insurance, at least in one state, you must enter the community clinic system. In another state I'm familiar with, you can qualify for Medicaid, a federal program to help the disabled and disadvantaged. Medicaid has different names in each state that recognizes it and is very lacking in how it provides pain care, but at least it's something. People tend to get tired of looking and hoping for answers and they just plain stop trying.
As a pain patient this is one of the toughest things we face. Everyone we come in contact with, to offer us help, has these limits to what they'll do, and you must become familiar with them. The creative part of pain treatment for a patient, is how to work within the system and still get what you need. I didn't do this for four years of my treatment. I accepted anything the doctor said. By the time I reached the point of not accepting this, I had also reached the point of extreme frustration, so when I tried to say something about a diagnosis, or lack thereof, it came out like I was fighting with them, or being unruly. I attacked their ego, a big no-no. If I could go back, study and do it over again, I would have become educated in their system rather than just my diseases or medicines. I would have known how the front counter works, who makes the real decisions of the clinic, what is their day like, how do they see me? Then, my approach would have been very different. I could have understood their frustrations and I could have worked with that.
It needs to be said that our choices are based on our knowledge of the subject and to gain better choices, we must educate ourselves, we must learn. I am now teaching my children, that the key to making it in society is to understand your choices, not that your choices can all be the right ones, but to appreciate the amount of choices you have. To make your decisions from a clear plan, and in a calm, relaxed demeanor. There will be more in this book about dealing with the medical system but for now, understand this, you have many choices to make decisions with. Chronic pain colors your world and makes it seem that there's only one choice, suffering. This is wrong.
It is for this reason that your pain doctor is probably recommending behavioral therapy. As I've said in other chapters, we must learn to accept our situation, and behavioral therapy or psychological therapy are terms that we must deal with. We must understand that psychologists are there to help us with the burden of making choices the proper way. Your doctor is not trying to say that you're crazy, that your pain is “in your head.” Behavioral therapy is exactly as the term implies, a way of changing your behavior. Without knowing it, pain has changed your behavioral patterns. Other people have noticed it and they have stated it, but usually in the wrong way. Just another way the pain filter receives information and changes what we hear, as the words go through its emotional filter. It makes sense to us, but in a negative way. I learned this from experience.
I am not now, and would never, tell you anything that I had just read about or heard about, without having experienced it myself. It is in this way that I can offer you the truth as I've seen it from many directions. When I was sent to behavioral therapy I also had a hard time accepting that, and stated to my psychologists, “I am not crazy, I don't even know why I'm here!” After she let me rant and rave for about an hour she put her hand on my knee looked me in the eye and said “No one says you're crazy, I don't think your pain is in your head, but I can honestly say that you have a very heavy burden on you and that you're having a very hard time making decisions, making choices that are presenting themselves to you now. I would like to be someone to help you get through that. Maybe I can be an observer, someone coming in from the outside, to help you see the choices that you make, and maybe allow you to think about them a little longer. Maybe allow you to see them in a different way. You're testing has shown us that because of pain, your filtering mechanism is lacking. Pain has caused you to be in a state of confusion, and as information comes into your mind, it is getting rearranged and causing confusion. I would like you to write down what you just told me about your plans. I would like you to see as I see, as an observer, that your plans and your problem solving is not making logical sense. You are a driven man, strong, a man who has a lot of courage and stamina, and you are facing this negative journey with those attributes, but I think that if you take the time to look at it, you'll see that the decisions you're making are not good ones. Allow me to be the person who can help you with seeing things.” She was terribly right. I hadn't been observing my decisions. No wonder I was constantly hurting myself.
I can now look back on that day, and realize that I was not accepting of this. It was almost a year later when I was able to think back on these words and realize that she knew exactly what she was talking about. I didn't see it. I don't know if I could have seen it. I know now that a lot of education and a lot of knowledge I was receiving, was at a time when I couldn't receive it properly. I took pain classes. I went to behavioral therapy. I went to physical therapy. I took notes. I read books. I went on the Internet. I talked to people. I talked to doctors. I understood everything that I was hearing, but none of it sank in. For some reason, I just wasn't ready for it.
I meet many people who seem to be at the same point. They listen to me and understand what I'm saying, I can see it in their eyes, but I can also see that they're just not ready for this journey. I plead with them to take notes, to save everything that they've studied, to understand that one day they will be ready for that journey, and they will need all of these notes and all of this knowledge because at that point, it will make sense.
If you think about it in this fashion, you can see that as a person in pain, you have many choices to make. As your life transcends through the negative side of the pain cycle, there will be many boundaries, limitations, and barriers to moving ahead. If you have family, or friends, or work, or recreation, you will be faced with many dire decisions, decisions that will affect the rest of your life. This seems like a heavy burden, and it is. Don't take it too lightly or underestimate it. Many of you will not understand what I'm saying right now, but for those of you who are ready for the journey, and for those of you who will someday face this journey, I want you to understand that now, and in the future, you will learn to take this step by step. To stare at your feet and take another step. To only look ahead for the purpose of making sure that you're in the right direction, and then stare at your feet again...and take another step.
This is how choices should be made. Surrounding yourself with observers, family and friends, doctors and therapists, and your own heart. Do not take any decision lightly, do not rush headlong into a decision, because the pain filter is in effect. Learn to keep lists, write down everything that is awaiting a decision, and try to look at them from an observing point of view. Try to understand that pain is wanting desperately to control your life, but you must not let it. By organizing yourself with lists, by prioritizing the right way, by heeding the advice of others who can observe you, and by learning to change your mind, your self, and your heart, you will be able to look pain in the face and say to it “I am not going to allow you to affect my life negatively. I will learn to accept that you exist, and to recognize you when you're in the way of my life. I'll allow others close to me into my life and allow them to weigh in as observers and help me to make the right choices.”
But what choices are we talking about? Believe it or not, there were many for me and there are many for you.
I do not pretend to know what decisions you are facing. I do know what mine were and how I mistakingly approached them. Maybe by showing you what mine were you will see how, on the negative side of the Pain Cycle, you just can't see them clearly. Pain has this way of making it seem like life is in a hurry, a desperate, confusing chaos.
For me, living through pain's negativity was an evolution because I wasn't thinking ahead. I couldn't at the time, because I wasn't aware of what was ahead. I spent all of my time “playing it by ear”, taking things as they came. I tried to plan, to make lists, to stay organized in my mind, but pain, especially the negative side, is like a spinning drum that gets faster and faster. As negative things would happen I would shift to plan B, then C, and pretty soon I stopped making lists, threw up my arms and said,”What's next?!”
I had a terribly negative attitude but I can't blame myself. I just didn't know. That's the problem with pain as it slowly takes over your life. You don't have time, or inclination, or the wherewithal to realize you have choices. The premise of this chapter, is to be aware of your choices.
First and foremost there is the choice of what you think. This is probably the most important of choices you need to slow down and become aware of. Please read the chapter on negativity versus positivity, and if you do, I can stay away from that. Suffice it to say that how you think is important challenge of thoughts to positive ones. There is more to this however.
The way you think, the thinking environment, the prioritizing of thoughts, all play a part in the choice of thoughts. Think of your mind as an empty piece of paper. Over time, maturity and responsibility, the paper becomes crowded with scribbles, doodles, random pen markings and information. Add a new dimension to this scene. Pain.
Pain creates confusion. It is like a turning maze of words, numbers, phrases, and thoughts. Add this to your piece of paper and it is easy to see how prioritizing is impossible. This brings up the idea of clearing and calming your mind. How can you clear the slate? How can you reorganize the things in your mind? How do you take out the confusion? You need to do this in order to plan for the future. You need to think clearly. You need to calm down.
There are many relaxation techniques out there and if you've been in pain for any amount of time, you know this. Everything from biofeedback to meditation, from massage to behavioral therapy. We will discuss these in more detail in a later chapter but for now, you need to understand the importance of relaxation and how it can affect your choices. It can make you see that you have choices. Let's look at mine. My thoughts, as I've explained, like a spinning machine, a washer/ dryer, getting faster and faster. We let them go because we feel overwhelmed. People come out, or call, and give you more to think about. Now when this happens, I immediately go into some breathing techniques. I take deep, diaphragmatic breaths, hold them, and let them out very slowly. This causes the heart to beat stronger and stronger, but I let it be that way until I can take slow, deliberate breaths. I concentrate on clearing my mind, watching the piece of paper become empty again, moving the thoughts, words and scribbles off the page, to the side, deleting the unimportant ones.
As I'm breathing I think to myself, which thought is of the utmost importance. The ones that have no choice at all do not count. They are on a different list. The thoughts I'm talking about are the ones that have choices, but right now, we want just the number one, the most important. For me, it was my children's well-being. This was more complex than it seemed. It wasn't just the providing of eating, or shelter, it was also shielding them from the negative side of my pain.
I would never think of “my children's well being” in relaxation, only the act of clearing the mind, the slate, of all items, then picking the most important, and watching it write itself on the slate. “My children's well-being.” When I would stop the relaxation, I would write it down, or make sure it was at the top of the list. Before I knew this technique, I made a lot of mistakes. I chose the nonthinking, unprepared avenue of letting everyone see my pain. Thank God kids will be kids no matter what, and they will always see you as their parents, no matter what. If you're not careful, you can permanently damage your children, causing them fear, doubt and depression. Remember, you are their security, and you must remain steadfast and strong in front of them so they feel secure. A lesson I learned, hopefully before any permanent damage was inflicted. So one of our choices should be, a deep breath. Count to 10. Anything you can do to delay a decision and to think of other choices.
We also have the choice to make something positive. Take the negative and make it positive. For instance, if my kids say, “hey dad, can you take us to the store?”, my immediate response would be “No! I don't feel good!”, but if I said “Wait a second, let me think if I can or not.”, I buy time. I take a breath. I count to 10. I think to myself, “Maybe a drive would be good for me. Maybe I could use a distraction. It is non-damaging and I know laying down won't help me. Yes. I can do this.” Or, maybe the other way. Maybe after you pause, or if you go to get up, you realize you can't do it. Then the answer is, “No, I tried but I just can't move, (or walk, or stand) right now.” The important thing is to weigh your choices, try very hard to say yes, if at all possible, if it doesn't cause damaging pain. Approach your answer to the person asking, calmly.
Pain makes us cry, whine, sigh, groan, yell, scream, not answer...you get the drill. This book is about control over pain, regaining power over it, so it's important to use your choices to conquer pain's control over your life. Now, make a list of the choices you made yesterday. Think about it.
For example:
4:00 a.m. -- Get up to go to the bathroom and take medications,
-or- Go back to sleep, pay for it later.
6:00 a.m. -- Get up, have coffee, go outside to stretch,
-or- Stay in bed, can't sleep, put on television.
7:00 a.m.- Make and eat breakfast, do dishes,
-or- Go back to bed,
-or- Start studying your pain information,
-or- Go to the library,
-or- Run errands,
-or- ...You get the point here.
There are many choices in a given day, but which one is right for you? How are these choices set up by the previous decisions?
In the game of pool the object is more than just putting a ball in a pocket. It is the art of leaving the white ball in just the right place to make the next shot. It should be the same with making decisions. Always try to decide to take action that leaves you in the best spot to take the next action.
If I set out to walk into town, 3 miles, I will look at everything I need to do on my list and choose the best path to get it all done in the easiest manner. I time it, so that if I needed a ride, I know three or four people that will be riding by, as I'm on my way back. In physical therapy I had a choice, to get a ride on Wednesday and Friday for one hour, do my stretches and exercises in the pool, get a ride, and go home. -Or-, I could push the limits of non-damaging pain. I could become the Olympic athlete, in training, and my physical therapist could become my coach. I could walk to therapy, allowing myself to practice the walking methods, and walk home, a total of 6 miles. I could ask her if I could show up four times per week and two hours early or I could join the YMCA and do it myself. I could win the gold medal of my personal sport called walking, small as it was. You see, we always have a choice. Usually, negative or positive.
Another important and more pertinent choice would include: at least in my case, my choice of doctor or clinic. Usually insurance helps with this decision. If there is no insurance and no money for self-pay, then the choices get even more limited, but with the right attitude, there is always choices. If for instance, I am on insurance, either Worker's Compensation or personal insurance, I need to read and understand the rules and limitations. Some will allow you to choose a doctor, some to choose medicine brands, co-pays, et cetera.
In order to make good choices, you must educate yourself to the situation. You need to understand what you're allowed to do. And there's always rules and regulations. With no insurance, at least in one state, you must enter the community clinic system. In another state I'm familiar with, you can qualify for Medicaid, a federal program to help the disabled and disadvantaged. Medicaid has different names in each state that recognizes it and is very lacking in how it provides pain care, but at least it's something. People tend to get tired of looking and hoping for answers and they just plain stop trying.
As a pain patient this is one of the toughest things we face. Everyone we come in contact with, to offer us help, has these limits to what they'll do, and you must become familiar with them. The creative part of pain treatment for a patient, is how to work within the system and still get what you need. I didn't do this for four years of my treatment. I accepted anything the doctor said. By the time I reached the point of not accepting this, I had also reached the point of extreme frustration, so when I tried to say something about a diagnosis, or lack thereof, it came out like I was fighting with them, or being unruly. I attacked their ego, a big no-no. If I could go back, study and do it over again, I would have become educated in their system rather than just my diseases or medicines. I would have known how the front counter works, who makes the real decisions of the clinic, what is their day like, how do they see me? Then, my approach would have been very different. I could have understood their frustrations and I could have worked with that.
It needs to be said that our choices are based on our knowledge of the subject and to gain better choices, we must educate ourselves, we must learn. I am now teaching my children, that the key to making it in society is to understand your choices, not that your choices can all be the right ones, but to appreciate the amount of choices you have. To make your decisions from a clear plan, and in a calm, relaxed demeanor. There will be more in this book about dealing with the medical system but for now, understand this, you have many choices to make decisions with. Chronic pain colors your world and makes it seem that there's only one choice, suffering. This is wrong.